Fat babies are ugly.
While you’re doing your damndest to get your pre-baby body back, don’t leave your child out! She wants to be thin and pretty…just like mommy! She doesn’t even need to be able to sit up before she can do sit-ups. In fact, get her started on a pilates/yoga/kickboxing regimen…STAT!
Baby can work out all of her aggression and sweat away the ounces in style!
Alternating cardio days with strength days will yield optimal results.
Next time we’ll get into the other key element to baby fat loss success: baby’s diet.
We’re changing format just for a day here. Since last weekend was Mother’s Day, I thought it appropriate to celebrate all parents. Including dads. Because dads also can make sure that babies aren’t ugly. Dads can make babies into models. Ultimate sexy baby models.
Tom Hanks is the ultimate stage dad. And someone to look up to.
Making your baby a Pretty Pretty Baby means a lot of work, but as you can see, sometimes it can pay off. And sometimes you have to try harder.
Baby gums are ugly.
That pink, drooly smile is nothing to gloat about. Sure, she may look happy, but is she? Really? Get some teeth in that face STAT! Give her something to really smile about!
The solution is easy. Baby dentures. Just take a quick trip to the Philippines and partake in their extensive periodontal tourism program. Your baby will have a REAL smile in mere moments.
Before and After Baby Dentures. See what a REAL smile can look like?
What to do when her real teeth start coming in? Periodontal caps or veneers should do the trick. But that’s for another post. In the meantime, enjoy those mini pearly whites.
Your baby needs to be reminded through their whole life the sacrifices you’ve made for them. How can you give them a permanent reminder of how much they should love you? Baby tattoos!
Baby + Mom Forever Tattoo
Yes, infancy is a perfect time to “ink up”! Think about it:
- Your child is either sleeping or crying all the time. What’s the difference if she’s getting a tattoo?
- Baby skin is stretchy. The tattoo will grow with her, as will her love and adoration for you for giving her such a great lifelong gift of art.
- She’ll be the baddest baby on the block; nobody’s gonna bully this kid! She has a TATTOO for crying out loud!
So don’t just give your baby the gift of life, give her the lifelong gift of your name on her body.
Bald babies are ugly.
Bald girl babies are especially ugly and confusing. Is it a boy? Is it human? How can we tell? Give the girl some hair. Now. Infant baldness is a serious shortcoming in your child.
What are your options to de-bald your baby? Glad you asked. There are a couple.
1) Baby Extensions
Long, lustrous locks can make an ugly baby beautiful.
Looks totally natural.
If your child has a small amount of hair, it’s not enough. But it is enough to give her a gorgeous weave. It can run $300-800, and may take up to 6 hours, but it’s worth it. Since babies don’t need a lot of bathing in the beginning, this fabulous head of hair is super easy to maintain. Just make sure to put it up during diaper changes.
Short lashes are ugly.
Not all babies are blessed with long, lustrous lashes. And sometimes the birth process can tear out eyelashes. How to fix it? False Lashes!
See how beautiful she can look with the right lashes?
It’s so easy to spruce up your baby’s eyes. Just do it while she’s asleep so you don’t poke her eyeball out.
Trim lashes down for the best fit and style.
1) Purchase standard lashes and lash glue. Trim the lashes to the desired width, and feel free to embellish the shape to suit your baby’s needs.
2) Apply glue to your baby’s lids using a small brush. Lash glue is great for babies because it stays on, even through crying!
3) Let glue dry for a minute to become tacky, then carefully apply the lashes using tweezers. Place as close to her natural lash line as possible. When she wakes up, she’ll look more alert and bright-eyed than ever!
Helpful hint: If you find her rubbing at the lashes, just remind her that pretty eyes get good husbands, and that should do the trick!
Jaundice is ugly.
It turns the skin, eyes, and other mucous membranes a yellowish tint. This look is never in style and must be remedied immediately.
A freak jaundice baby before and after beauty intervention
You can change your baby from “Freak” to “Fabulous” with a lavender-colored foundation primer. Simply smear over your baby’s exposed skin to counteract the yellow tone. As we learned in elementary school, a primary color (yellow) plus a secondary color (purple) equals brown. When it comes to skin tones, the jaundiced yellow plus lavender equals a nice bronzed baby.
A cute way to cover jaundiced eyes
To conceal the yellowing whites of her eyes, make sure you select some adorable dark sunglasses to cover them up. You’ll turn her from Baby Banana to Mysterious Diva in a heartbeat.