Category Archives: Uncategorized

Toughen Up, Baby

Wussy babies are ugly. Thankfully, Johnson and Johnson are here to help. They have just released Nothing But Tears Baby Shampoo, clinically proven to produce “noticably thicker skin” . Finally, your pansy-ass sissy newborn can take a nice warm bath of … Continue reading

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Your Baby Pales in Comparison

Pale babies are ugly. But we know that UV exposure can age their skin too early, so what to do? Baby spray tan! Not only can you easily give your baby that sun-kissed glow, but you also have the option … Continue reading

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Losing the Baby Fat for Fat Babies: Part I

Fat babies are ugly. While you’re doing your damndest to get your pre-baby body back, don’t leave your child out! She wants to be thin and pretty…just like mommy! She doesn’t even need to be able to sit up before … Continue reading

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Battling Jaundice: Lavender-Colored Foundation Primer

Jaundice is ugly. It turns the skin, eyes, and other mucous membranes a yellowish tint. This look is never in style and must be remedied immediately. You can change your baby from “Freak” to “Fabulous” with a lavender-colored foundation primer. … Continue reading

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Newborn Nails: The Mini Mani-Pedi

Newborn nails are ugly. Face it. They’ve got hangnails, rough corners, and the CUTICLES! Amniotic fluid is not good for nail beauty. When presenting your child to the world, it’s the details that really matter. That means getting those nails … Continue reading

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