Face it: baby acne is ugly. Your poor little one is suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous face care. And you need to fix it, stat. Can you imagine how she feels when all the other babies are cooing … Continue reading
Single babies are ugly. Is your little one sitting at home alone on a Friday night? Is she having a hard time connecting with that special someone during playdates? Nobody to share a binky with? It’s an easy solution. Babymatch.com.
Wussy babies are ugly. Thankfully, Johnson and Johnson are here to help. They have just released Nothing But Tears Baby Shampoo, clinically proven to produce “noticably thicker skin” . Finally, your pansy-ass sissy newborn can take a nice warm bath of … Continue reading
Dumb babies are ugly. You can get a leg up on their education from the very beginning. Play Mozart, read Nietzsche aloud, practice rhythmic gymnastics. Just like every other podunk backwoods mouth-breathing mother out there. If you really want a … Continue reading
Ultrasound babies are ugly. Show your grainy pictures to friends and family, and look at the fake grins on their faces. The compliments aren’t real. The congratulations are false. They see a grainy black and white image of a blob … Continue reading
Pale babies are ugly. But we know that UV exposure can age their skin too early, so what to do? Baby spray tan! Not only can you easily give your baby that sun-kissed glow, but you also have the option … Continue reading