Wussy babies are ugly.
Thankfully, Johnson and Johnson are here to help. They have just released Nothing But Tears Baby Shampoo, clinically proven to produce “noticably thicker skin” .
Finally, your pansy-ass sissy newborn can take a nice warm bath of shut-the-hell-up.
“…The new “Nothing But Tears” shampoo was found to give newborns up to three times greater resilience than the leading competitor, as well as a stronger grasp on the crushing disappointment that is life.” Better they learn about it now, folks.